When we bought our house in the historic neighborhood of Old Cloverdale, we quickly discovered one of the "charms" of living in an older home.
No matter what you do to cover them up...paint, putty, etc. they come back. They show through the new paint. You never really get rid of them for good.
And that was not OK with me.
You see, I
I want things whole. Uncracked. Unbroken. Right. Now.
Like the parts of my life that are less than perfect, for instance. Or the struggles of my friends, injustice, sickness, the poverty I see a few streets over...the list could go on.
To me, cracks were just something to take away from the beauty of what I thought should be. And needed to be fixed ASAP.
I hear the Western Wailing Wall in Jerusalem has lots of cracks, too. Jews often place prayers in those cracks. Prayers for loved ones, prayers for the restoration of Jerusalem, prayers for the Messiah to come.
I think that is beautiful.
So I've started thinking maybe that is what should be.
What if instead of freaking out and having a caniption for not being "perfectly perfect in every way," (shoutout to my girl Mary Poppins) and attempting to fill my deficits and the deficits of others with more discipline, more Bible, more accountability etc. I filled the cracks in my life with Jesus + nothing? With his promises? And decided to trust and believe He will come into those places and make them whole...in His perfect timing?
Maybe, after all, cracks mean I'm human and brokeness means I am a real. Maybe letting the cracks show mean they can be filled again, and again until the day where my faith becomes my sight by the One who uses those cracks to fill me with Himself and with compassion for other people with cracks too? Perhaps the cracks I see in society and in the politicians and in myself and others are not imperfections to slap a Bible verse over or get uncomfortable about....maybe they are there so I can breathe a sigh of relief. And know, once again, that we never will get it all together on this side of Heaven. What if when Jesus says in John that He will come and make His home in us it means he resides in our cracks and imperfections and loves us completely and utterly in the midst of them and changes us as we learn to rest in his presence with us?
So, I guess I could say I am slowly becoming kind of okay with the crack that is (quickly) growing in the ceiling above our bed. It's a reminder to me every day when I wake up that we have the opportunity to walk with the perfector and filler of all the cracks we carry. And He can use those cracks, "so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies, For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renwed day by day..." (see 2 Corinthians 4:9-11, 16)